It's a morning shift which means only the slow and elderly come in. The store is quiet and no one seems to be in any sort of rush today. A regular comes through my line-Bill; a sweet old man with a handle-bar mustache and a big old beer belly. One of the nicer men around, Bill always makes sure to flirt with all the women in the store. He's in no hurry, it's his only trip outdoors for the day. Normally Bill walks around. He's got a walker but he makes it by on his own. Today however, he's in one of the helper carts that's motorized but doesn't go too fast. Meaning he's been here for a long time. His hands are shaking more than normal and in no time, he's told me of his new found illness. Multiple Sclerosis has indeed taken over his spinal cord and it hurts for him to walk too far or too fast. I help with the card swiping and the punching in of important numbers {He can't get his fingers to decide on a button}. We walk out to his old van and he insists he should get the key. The key is under the back tire.
Well long story short, Bill ends up on the ground and he can't get up. Like said previously, he's a large man and I could only do my best to get him to his feet. Another couple comes along as well as an elderly woman. He's up in no time and the woman and him begin conversing
her: I hate that feeling, don't you?
him: Oh yes. I get it more and more every day. Seems like yesterday I was helping old people get up. And now...
her: Yes exactly. At some point you realize you aren't the hero anymore.
him: And then you realize you're the old person people feel sorry for.
her: hahah yes!!
I let them be, they seemed to enjoy flirting. But since then, I have yet to forget that conversation. I hear it over and over in my head. When is the moment you realize you aren't the hero anymore..Are you ever..not..the hero? I wish over and over again I could have stopped him and told him how great he was. How his cheerful and cute-old-man-ness made my day whenever he came in. But I didn't, and since then, Bill has stopped coming in. In early August I worked an early shift again and heard of his passing.
I don't think we ever die. I mean really, being mormon and all we don't believe in death. But even more than that, I think death is a part of life. It's just another barrier you have to cross. When you look at the whole thing, life seems pretty short, compared to death.
It's been three years girlfriend, and I still think about you almost every day.
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