For some odd reason I made myself believe you were not here this semester. How I decided upon that I have no idea since you are of course, Winter/Spring track. To be completely honest I have been avoiding you like the plague for a good year now. Your name kind of frightens me...which is really a shame since so many people share that name with you. Every time I see a boy walking around with brown hair and your build, I freeze. Quite literally, body still, palms sweaty, heart thumping frozen.
This is how my everyday life here in Rexburg has been going since last September. Literally at least once a day i see a look-alike and once I can convince myself it isn't you, (it never is), I keep on going throughout my day. Living in fear isn't like me at all either just so you know. I never acted this way before.
And to be honest, I had all but forgotten about you at the beginning of May this year. You see there's this new boy I sweet and I've realized you missed out. Not me.
Remember how our last night in Rexburg last April was bad? How I was sick and feeling crabby and my nose was full and my throat sore? I was so sick after that semester. Thank goodness I was so occupied with that that you were able to go find yourself a wife without me noticing. I think we should both thank the stars for that one.
Well Friday I woke up with the same symptoms I did on that last day we spent together. In fact, I didn't go to my first class because I was feeling so down. I even thought to myself "Gee, this feels like the last day I spent with him all over again..." Later on Friday I went up to the Library to turn in some papers. At that point in the day I decided to put my face on and wear heels and a skirt...I should thank the stars for that one too.
You didn't realize it, but I walked right past you. I wouldn't have realized it too except that you were wearing one of your silly BYU shirts and I tried reading it and looked up at your face to realize it was you. You know what else? You looked me square in the face and didn't realize it was me.
I'll give you a hint; I was wearing a pencil skirt and heels as well as glasses you've never seen, lighter, longer hair than before and a confidence you definitely didn't get to know. Plus, I've lost a good thirty pounds since I last saw you.
I guess I owe you a thank you as well. Thanks for walking past me and making me realize how good my life is now. Thank you for not recognizing me. Thank you for not noticing me stop in my tracks, turn around and giggle to myself. Thank you for putting on the normal Mormon marriage weight. Thank you for making me realize how different my life would be had I ended up with you, and how grateful I am that I'm still in the game.
With all the love from last year,
Madison
p.s. you're shorter than I remember. A lot shorter.
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