June 27th

Today is a day to go down in History.

Actually... it has been history for the past 130 years.

but we're just now celebrating it.

Yes indeed ladies and gents. Today is Helen Keller's birthday. 

So. In the spirit of her, I've decided to share some of theee best Helen Keller-awesome-ness around:

What is Helen Keller's favorite color? - Velcro

Why is all of Helen Keller's face burnt? - She was bobbing for french fries

How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? - She answered the iron

How did Helen Keller burn the other side of her face? - They called back

Why was Helen Keller's leg wet? - Her dog was blind too

How did Helen Keller burn her fingers? - Reading the waffle iron

What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well? - She screamed and screamed until her hands turned blue

How come Helen Keller didn't scream when she fell off the cliff? - She was wearing mittens Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide? - You would too if your name was 'Urghrrghrghr' Have you heard of the new Helen Keller doll? - Wind it up and it walks into walls What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her? - Rearranged the furniture - Left the plunger in the toilet bowl - Put saran wrap on the toilet - Put her in a round room and said there's a penny in the corner - Glued doorknobs to the walls Why does Helen Keller have holes in her face? - She tried eating with a fork What was Helen Keller's favorite childhood game? - Musical chairs How do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret? - Break her fingers Why did Helen Keller cross the road? - What, like she knows where she's going! How come Helen Keller can't have kids? - Because she's DEAD! How did Helen Keller drive herself crazy? - Trying to read a stucco wall Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? - She's a woman and she's dead How did Helen Keller break her arm while in the car? - Trying to read a stop sign going 80 What's the name of Helen Keller's favorite book? - Around the Block in 80 Days What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder? - Endless love Did you know that Helen Keller had a dollhouse in the backyard? - Neither did she How did Helen Keller drive her car? - One hand on the wheel, the other on the road How did Helen Keller meet her husband? -On a blind date! How did Helen Keller pierce her ear? - Answering the stapler How did Helen Keller's teachers punish her for talking in class? - They made her wear mittens Why didn't Helen Keller change her baby's diaper? - So she could always find him How did Helen Keller pick her eyes out? - She shouted hysterically Have you seen a picture of Helen Keller's dad? - Neither has she! What does Helen Keller think her closet is? - Disney World! Where do Helen Keller's parents send her when company comes over? - Disney World! How do you tell if Helen Keller is alive? - If you hear something fall down the stairs Why does Helen Keller play the piano with one hand? - Because she sings with the other! What's Helen Keller's excuse every time she loses a competition? - She couldn't see Why did Helen Keller's last relationship not work? - Her boyfriend complained about how she never listened to his problems. How do you mess with Helen Keller? - Give her a basketball and tell her to read it Why is it okay to tell Helen Keller jokes? - Because she can't hear them anyway! What is Helen Keller's favorite color? - Black Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony. Stuck a feather in her hat and called it MRUAAGH If Helen Keller were psychic, what would she call her fourth sense? How did Helen Keller's boyfriend become blind? - She tried to be romantic and "look" deeply into his eyes. Why didn't any of Helen Keller's relationships work out? - Her boyfriends complained that she couldn't see the problems they had. Why did Helen Keller drown? - Because no one could see her screaming.  Why did Helen Keller do drugs? - Because she couldn't say "no". What does Hellen Keller do when she gets her hand cut off? - Sit there and take it.  Who is the worst person to play Marco Polo with? - Helen Keller! What did Helen Keller think of the cheese grater? - It was the most violent book she had ever read. How does Helen Keller tell the difference between colors? - Seriously? Are you an idiot? She can't.