Mad's Happy Life: MONDAY - April 15, 2013

how to train your dragon

dear blog readers,

we met her about two weeks ago. We were walking a normal street we always walk at night when she came up to us, 3 cigarettes lit in her hand. Her name is Marlirlia, and she wanted to know where a pentecostal church was. We told her we had no idea, but that we were giving out salvation for free...and with a big puff on all three cigarettes, she accepted the invitation for us to teach her more about God.

I can say I have already worked with people who like to smoke. But I had yet to experience training a dragon. When we got to Marlirlia´s home we met her husband, Charles-who surprise for us, had already been to the church many times and had already had the mission discussions (and had no problem with any of the commandments-score!) I was thinking from moment one-here is a couple we are going to baptize. And so we began-first giving the first lesson, and then as the week progressed we did everything in our power to get the dragon to stop smoking. She has yet to stop. There is no miracle in this story-and if you have any advice on how to get her to stop, feel free to email me. However, as i was thinking about what to write this week i thought you would enjoy my attempts of the week to train a dragon-so here ya go.

First, I tried the trick that all missionaries here in brasil talk about-cigarette tea. I had already done it with an investigator, and it worked for him so i figured it better work for her. Here is how you make cigarette tea-first you boil water, and then you take apart about 4 or 5 cigarettes and boil the grass thats inside of them. Wait for the water to be a gross coffee color and then take out the grass and serve. Its horrible. I have never tried it, but i have seen others and i know. its horrible. But Marlirlia is a dragon, and she smokes 3 at a time-so a tea with only 4 cigarettes isnt going to do anything for her. So I put in 23 cigarettes and waited until the water was black. And then I filmed my dragon drinking the potion. And someday when i return to the states, you will see the film. Its the funniest thing on earth. Needless to say, Marlirlia felt the 23 cigarettes and her stomach did not agree with them. So yes, she threw up the tea after drinking all. And within 3 minutes of throwing up and proclaiming how discusting it was, she was back outside with three cigarettes.

Also, Marlirlia had a stock pile of 623 cigarettes. Sister Mad took all 623 tuesday night with the promise she would not be returning them. Charles held Marlirlia down as she cursed and we ran for the door. Which was as i am sure, a sight to see and hear as two sister missionaries run out the door with huge packs of cigarette in hand and someone screaming bloody murder in the background. Marlirlia had no money to buy more for the month-so instead, she went to the street and begged the local bar tender to sell her some and she would wash the dishes. Kill me Marlirlia.

...in the process of this all, i have learned some of the português swear words, and a lot of funny slang words. Also i have learned that dragons need more than just cigarette tea and bold sister mad. They need the bishop. Which is why i brought the bishop to give her a blessing. We talked about it was only after your faith that you would be healed and how she needed to trust in the power of God to be able to get rid of this addiction. And then Bishop gave her a great blessing, and blessed her she would be able to conquer her addiction. He ended the blessing and we left the house. Charles then told me that Marlirlia lay down on the bed and closed her eyes and sat there for a few seconds before asking for yet another, cigarette.

Charles was ready and wanting to be baptized. We were teaching them the gospel of jesus christ when Marlirlia `needed to go to the bathroom`. she excused herself and i looked from my companion to charles. Marlirlia knew she couldnt smoke when the sisters were there....so i asked the blatent question-do you think she really is going to the bathroom? Charles nodded and then added-shes probably doing more than just using the restroom....And being the curious sister sackley that i am, and also having been born with maybe too much of the sackley boldness, i went to the bathroom, ranked open the door and found marlirlia using the bathroom, 2 cigarettes in hand. I think she was pretty surprised. No, for sure she was because she had no handle on those cigarettes when i yanked them out of her hands and stomped them out.

So in closing, sister mad has yet to train a dragon. But i am working on it i tell you. Its going to happen. But i might get lung cancer before accomplishing the feat.

love, sister mad

Pictures!